Newspaper Bill

I have a job . And my salary gets credited to my account in the last week of every month. Its all jolly good.
Yet what really brings a smile to my face is the reimbursement of my newspaper bill by my office . :) see there it is :)
Its like the thrill of opening your presents after having thrown a really expensive birthday party costing you so much money that uou could've bought all that stuff yourself and then some (and it would've been ur choice too!  )
Like the joy of finding that forgotten,  silly 100 bucks in the pocket of your washed up jeans.
Like the glee you feel when the cute cafe guy gives you a complementary box of cookies with ur coffee. ( in a totally non creepy kinda way! )
Like the thrill you feel just dreaming about the existence  of that "one" person that you' d die or kill for.
Like the peace you feel just taking a walk with your closest friend talking about the not- so- important-stuff   just as vividly as about the biggest passions of your life. The feeling that all the money in the world couldn't buy!
Like that conversation with someone with whom you just instantaneously click that heightens all your senses in a way that  the strongest shot of cappuccino couldn't.
Like redefining perfection everyday. Finding it in a cuppa coffee,  in a cool breeze on an exhausting hot day,  in one look,  one feel of fabric,  flipping to cooler side of the pillow,  in one purchase of something you will never need,  in one moment when you see a mother's love for her child,  in finding a breathtaking meadow in the overgrown unmowed grass of a neglected park.

Phoebe!

I' ve seen friends and I' vr seen friends. You know.
You love and you laugh and you live and you die a little at times . And you fall in love over and over again with the  characters,  th3 emotion,  the humour and the city.
And then there is the debate about you favourite chatacter.
Mine is Phoebe.
She is the wierd one I know but she is also the one most at ease with who she is. Case in point being that episode where rachel and monica end up calling each other bossy and a pushovdr coz of pheobe and then they gang up and call her flaky. She just brushes them off owning it up like only phoebe could.
She  had nothing growing up but she survived doing whatever it took and yet without getting bitter in the process.
What we consider monumental misfortunes fall short when the truggle is to survive each day at a time.
She had true appreciation of the concept of living in the moment and her lack of apprehension in trying out different things or sticking to her idea of things or when she makes Ross question his scientific beliefs and then waves with a "well,  That was fun! "
I am nothing like her .
I overthink as a rule.
Assessing everything minutely.
Hung up on the results and repercussions.
And for the life of me I cant go gor a jog' the Phoebe way' !!
So ya!  I appreciate her the most. Coz I too wanna free my mind from all the unnecessary clutter and just breathe and be quirky and play crappy music if I want to and wear santa pants if I want to and celebrate life for no reason.
I just wanna be me.
No apologies.

All In The Name Of Tradition

My mother once told me that when we were born,  my parents,  as anyone in the youthful state of mind in any era,  thought that by the time we,  their kids,  grow up,  things would have drastically changed in the Indian society . That people will educate their girls more and more and the morbid practice of dowry will die a very public death .
Boy were they wrong!
When I was studying in college I was very idealistic. Girls and boys are equal (that's what I had seen growing up in my parent's house ) . Cast and creed distinction doesnt exist anymore. Blah blah.
Boy was I stupid! To have believed that anything could really change in india.
Things just take on a different color without losing their structural stink.
In the earlier version of time,  people did notspend any money educating their girls to save up money for their dowry,  a prerequisite for their marriage,  the ultimate goal of a girl's life,  as I' ve mentioned in my previous posts. The groom' s family inturn expected docile submissive ready to be abused girls that will bring dowry for them.
Turn to the latesht version of time as it stands still on bharat bhumi,  the time of AAP,  the time that has witnessed Kiran Bedi in action, the time of Sunny Leone coming to work in India,  the time of a Sunita Williams and a Kalpana Chawla, the time of a Shobbha   Dey talking about lives of stars,  the time when Sussane leaves Hrithik Roshan, the time of boasting about honour killings  , be it Manoj and Bubbly or be it Aarushi Talwar.
Mind you these are not tales of an average Indian. These re exceptional people.
In this age and time a' normal'  groom's family expects a girl who is well educated,  who will go out and earn to supplement household's income,  who before going to work will slog at household chores,  who still would not be respected,  who will get a lot of dowry for them notonly at the time of wedding mind you,  no no no,  that my dear friends is a life long phenomenon .
No matter how well educated on yhe surface the in laws invariably ecpect the' bahu'  to get gifts and suits for them every time she goes to her parents house (for which ofcourse she will be riduculed and taunted coz even if the in laws dress like maids on their own time but when the bahu gets them something it should be laced with gold and stuff . But ofcourse )
Oh and those of you still enchanted with the Indian culture,  the bride' s parents are supposed to give gold ornaments to all inlaws ( including mom in lsw,  dad in law,  bro in law,  ofcoz the groom himself,  married sis in law along with her inlaws and her husvand and kid ) .all that the girl gets them is forgotten in a week or two and then they want more . If the bahu happens to give birth to a child, her parents are again supposed to handout gold to in laws and the wretched sis in law . The main issue is not healthy birthing process,  no no,  the issue is what she will get from her parents for her in laws.
All in the name of tradition
Enchanted?
P.S. those of you who do not understand the fascination with the fifty shades triology,  let me tell u a lil secret . An average indian woman's life is all about being submissive and slogging minus the complementary orgasms. God bless E L James .

Not that I expect anyone to read it but I sure hope that there are some people out there who can relate to this.
Generally I tend to  be abstract about stuff but this, now,  is too personal for me to be detached and aloof .
My defense mechanism over the years has been denial. I pack up all unpleasant /traumatic things in one corner of my brain and pretend that it never happened.
But when life forces you to look the worst part of your life in the eye, whole of your world crumbles around you .
When you are tortured to the point that it breaks your spirit .
When you realise that your society is such that your future looks abysmal in all possible directions.
When you lived by this same society's rules all your life and yet it will abandon you for one factor alone.
When a really intelligent and worldly wise person tells you that in india if a girl,  no matter how talented,  ends up marrying the wrong person then her life is finished .
When you married a man older than you who fails to find his voice when confronted with people even for a right cause.
When your husband' s sister is a a bitch comparable to his mother who left no stone unturned in making your life hell.
When that motherfucking shiteating sister cares only about dominating her parents household along with her own in laws place.
When that same bitch was told by you that her mother  is torturing you so much that in your eighth month of pregnancy you are losing weight like anything and that you Are worried for the health of the baby about to be born just laughed in your face.
When that  same bitch advises your husband to not talk to you.
When your husband satnds by watching your wear down on a daily basis without coming to your rescue and still calling himself a man.
When that same bastard lets his mother and his brother defame you in the conservative indian society.
When that same bastard allows his mother to abuse you.
When his sister dictates if you can step out of the house or not.
When  his mother makes a ruckus every time you go for a pregnancy monthly checkup claiming that its not required and again abuses you.
When these bastards defame you lime anytjing and continue in the same vein.
When this wretched husband refuses to even meet with you to talk .


For all the prayers I have said in my life I call upon you God to do justice and give me strength and show me the light that evades me.